Exclusive: Google wipes out irrelevant gmail account messages

 

COMPLAINTS ARE FLOODING IN to Google after some Gmail users woke up to find that their inboxes had been wiped clean of messages.

A number of Gmail forum posters report that their messages. The consensus is that it is a problem on Google's end, with many people deeply concerned because of Google's growing dominance in their lives.

Steph Jane wrote, "I feel something must have gone wrong at Google..., because it sounds like there are so many others like myself who have just lost all their emails within the last few hours."

Google confirmed that there is a problem. Either some lines of code were crossed or it is feared that the Search Engine Bots now have so much computing power that they have decided on their own to eliminate irrelevant and superfluous information that stands in their way. Engineers are busy working on the issue, with the affected accounts disabled.  One Engineer said, "It is best of the irrelevant people just stop emailing all together for now."  Everyone else is advised to print out their emails for back-up, just in case.  It still hasn't been fixed by the time of writing.

The company said the larger concern is that it affected less than 0.08 per cent of the Gmail user base, however they believe the number of inaccurate, irrelevant, misguided, or just plain poorly written emails to be in the billions.  Eric Schmidt was overheard saying, "when things like this happen we always have to look on the bright side, maybe the world is a better place without these emails."

Already a major glitch for Google's cloud technology, this will be a horrendous public relations disaster if most of the world is not allowed to speak anymore. The company is trying to sort this out quickly.

Sources:  Google Wipes Gmail Account Messages

Related Products

---------------------------------------------------------------

     

Exclusive: 8th Grade Math Teacher Finds Major Issues in Government's Employment Homework

The Labor Department reported that the national unemployment rate plunged to 9 percent in January from 9.4 percent in December, the Labor Department said Friday. Yet, the economy only created 36,000 new jobs and in the same report they revised down last years U.S. population and employment estimates by 347,000 and 472,000 respectively. 

Given the level of excitement in the stock market over this "positive improvement in the economy" COS News asked its best (and only) analyst Mike West to review the numbers.  

"I see a problem," West says. 

Going on one of his typical unintelligible rants West continued... "The U.S. population count is estimated to be 306,000,000 and some change.   None of the numbers they are throwing out appear to be within the threshold of any significance. I used a $10 calculator to determine that if you divide 36,000 by the US population it is only .0001, that's only 1/100 of 1%. O.K. let me put it this way, if you had a penny, you would have to chop that penny up into 10,000 pieces to visualize that number. Now imagine that you have one of those pieces in your hand- that is what 36,000 jobs is worth to you."       

Confused, COS News asked Mrs. Connie Kitts, Middle School Math Teacher at Bay Haven Charter School to shed some light on this report.  

"If one of my students turned this muddled report in as their homework, I'd give them a D and tell them, try again." says Mrs Kitts.  "I don't like to be harsh but sometimes you need to send a message."  "I have been teaching for years but it doesn't take an experienced 8th grade math teacher to know that the student either doesn't understand the assignment or they are not trying hard enough."    "If they showed more of their work maybe I could help them," says Kitts.  "Go Bobcats!!!!"

Sources:  Unemployment Rate Plunges ,  Jobs Report Offers a Mixed Bag , Mrs Kitts

Related 

----------------------------------------------------------

      

COS News Exclusive: Squinkies Fever: For Love or For Money

By Mike West

It is part religion, part politics. It is a way to voice a lack of confidence in the central banks of the world and a yearning for the world as it used to be.

It is an investment that makes no sense what-so-ever and yet  they are flying off the shelves while the Federal Reserve frets about the threat of deflation.

It is Squinkies.

Walmart.com has been sold out of them for more than a week, and stores nationwide are sold out or limiting how many Squinkies each person can buy. Like Beanie Babies or Zhu Zhu Pets, the toys are collectible — the hundreds of characters include a Lhasa apso dog and a tiny bride — but they are much cheaper, selling for $10 for a 16-pack.

It is tempting to view the incredibly cheap price of Squinkies, which went below about $10 for a pack of 16 earlier this month and remains close to that level, as a warning of an imminent depression. Such interpretations have fueled critiques of the Fed’s latest round of monetary stimulus as being futile if not a forerunner of a collapse of the dollar.

But I think it reflects first and foremost a dismay at the current state of the world economy, and a conclusion that the elites who are running it do not know what they are doing.

Or, as a friend of mine put it, “You are buying Squinkies because it is the alternative to this collection of stupid politicians around the world.”

It is not easy to have a calm discussion about Squinkies. There are people who all but worship them and there are people who view them as a really cheap trick to play on kids when money is tight.

The problems of 2010 lead everyone to the same conclusion: that the modern monetary system does not work.  Squinkies is the alternative.

You could argue that paying $10 for a Squinkies is absurd, that Squinkies should be worth their value as a commodity rather than seen as a great and perpetual store of love from children. After all, Squinkies will probably be seen as a very bad investment roughly 3 days after Christmas; for some even sooner.  

One advantage of Squinkies, of course, is that they do not deteriorate with age. Squinkies are made of pure foam plastic.  It will take 3 million years for these babies to degrade”, the maker, Bill Nichols, proudly states.

A disadvantage of Squinkies as an investment is that they seem like the type of toy that will slip in between cushions, under coaches, or to fall out of little pockets, also they produce no income. But who cares these days?

Betting that $10 Squinkies will soon be $20 Squinkies or $25 Squinkies is basically a bet that the America really is in permanent decline this time, with millions of people facing the prospect of bankruptcy or sharp reductions in spending on everything from homes, to cars, to even Toys. Or perhaps all of the above.

Let’s hope the bet is wrong.

Sources:

NY Times Editorial: Gold Fever

NY Times: Squinkies Makers Savors Demand

Related Products

-----------------------------------------------

  

COS News Exclusive: Ghost Hunter Scared Shitless by Former Girlfriend

Zak Bagans, of Ghost Adventures, Scared Shitless by Former Girlfriend.

My name is Zak Bagans. I never believed in the stories guys tell about their ex-girlfriends before until it happened to me. So I put a digital recorder on my phone....

Zak: Okay, I hear you!.. I hear you! And I don't think that you're a very nice person because you're-you're not making any sense— Christine...Is that you, not making any noise? Remember when you threw that shoe at me!...But I have no fear of you!...Okay? I have absolutely no fear you!...

Phone Line: static, followed by static

Zak: Holy shit! Holy shit! Oh, my God! Holy shit!...Stooop! Stop!...

Sources: 

The Best of Ghost Adventures

Related Products:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     

COS News Exclusive: ET on Extrasolar Paparazzi

The Low Down

• A new planet that's the right size and location for celebrity life has been discovered 20 light-years away. 
• The newly discovered world exists in a solar system and is believed to have characteristics very similar to Palm Springs roughly 30 years ago.
• Celebrities with lots of money are already eying it as possibly the next isolated beach vacation hang out.

This illustration offers a glimpse of the Gliese 581 system from the perspective of ET - Entertainment Tonight

Extra-solar Paparazzi

A new member in a family of planets circling a red dwarf star 20 light-years away has just been found. It's called Gliese 581g, and the 'g' may very well stand for Getting Away From God-Darn Paparazzi.

Gliese 581g is the first world discovered beyond Earth that's the right size and location for celebrity life.

"Personally, given the ubiquity and propensity for life forms to believe other life forms are gods and for paparazzi to flourish in that environment wherever they can, unfortunately I would say that the chances for supercilious selfish assholes on this planet are 100 percent. I have almost no doubt about it. I is just a matter of time" Steven Vogt, professor of astronomy and astrophysics at University of California Santa Cruz, told Discovery News.

The discovery caps an 11-year effort to tease out information from instruments on ground-based telescopes to see up, down, or through red carpet celebrity dresses. The technology has only recently been used to measure minute variations in starlight caused by the gravitational tugs of orbiting planets.  It was an accident.

Planet G -- the sixth member in Gliese 581's family -- orbits right in the middle of that system's habitable region, where temperatures would be suitable for liquid water to pool on the planet's surface.  Like Palm Springs was some time in the past, celebrities are hoping this can be a place they can frolic in water without paparazzi all over them.

"This is really the first 'Goldilocks' planet, the first planet that is roughly the right size and just at the right distance to have liquid water on the surface," astronomer Paul Butler, with the Carnegie Institution in Washington, D.C., told reporters during a conference call Wednesday.  In all seriousness, somewhat overweight, with clearly unwashed rumbled clothing and taped dark black glasses he awkwardly exclaimed, "Everything we know about celebrities (and life in general) is that they absolutely require liquid water!" he added. "The planet has to be the right distance from the star so it's not too hot, not too cold...  and then it has to have surface gravity so that it can hold on to a substantial atmosphere and allow the water to pool."  While that is nice, ET reporters are  more concerned about how soon we can get Camron Diaz into that water.

http://news.discovery.com/space/earth-like-planet-life.html

COS News Exclusive: Failed Carter Assassination Attempt

In his latest book, Jimmy Carter reminisces about the attempt on his life in 1979.  “Yes, like MLJ and JFK before, they tried to get me too, but they failed and now they have to live with me ” Jimmy is known to be the most prolific former president; often traveling around the world and showing up to events uninvited.  While most people no longer know what the hell Jimmy Carter is talking about, some insiders believe he was referring to the infamous incident when a deranged rabbit took off toward him while he was on a fishing boat in the south.  "It was hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president, trying desperately to enter the boat, causing Carter to flail at the swimming creature with the oars from his boat."

The President latre confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits.  "The animal was either drowning or clearly berserk.  He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind. What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into my presidential boat.”

The secret service will not provide details of the incident but it is rumored that minutes later the rabbit was obliterated by secret service officers hiding in the bushes just dying to use their U.S. military provided weapons "just one time".

Sources: Jimmy Carter Rabbit Incident

Related
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


     

COS News Exclusive: Google boasts that its spies are better than MicroSofts

COS News, Dark Misc: A misc. internal source at Google told COS reporters that the recent unsuccessful attempt by a Russian spy to infiltrate MicroSoft is further indication that MicroSoft is still a cold war company, while the more technically sophisticated and successful attempts by spies to infiltrate Google indicate that Google represents the future. 

“They try to create this advertising buzz about their spies, but the reality is that despite wasting billions of dollars their spies are technically not anywhere near as good as our spies are.” “Similar to how we don’t understand people who use Bing, we just can’t understand anyone who spies on MicroSoft. “  

“For example, MicroSoft’s Kin phone was pulled off the market in 60 days.  Our Android phone operating system goes way beyond what we have achieved with static pictures of the outside of people’s homes; we can be everywhere they are and see everything they do.  Can’t you see the opportunity that this represents? Idiots .”

The android operating system is now running on over 50 phones (Android Devices).

Microsoft’s Russian Spy :  http://www.electronista.com/articles/10/07/14/microsoft.unknowingly.hired.russian.secret.agent/

Google’s Chinese Spy : http://news.cnet.com/8301-27080_3-10436144-245.html

COS News Exclusive: Two NJ raccoons held in terror probe

COS News: Shortly after two New Jersey raccoons were arraigned Monday on terrorism-related charges in Lawrenceville, N.J., Paul J. Fishman paused briefly on the steps of Lawrenceville Court House. The top animal control officer in the area conceded that once again authorities had been lucky — this time with a pair of bumblers who allegedly attempted to wage jihad all over the neighborhood but were being shadowed for days by local residents.

Indeed, it marked the third time in six months that terrorism suspects were tripped up by their own ineptness.

But, Fishman said, "sophistication is not necessarily a measure of danger." And, he warned, "we would be remiss if we didn't pay attention to anyone who has the intention to do what these racoons are alleged to have done."

Mohamed Mahmood, 6 weeks, and Carlos Eduardo Almonte, 6 weeks, also known as Omar, were captured Monday morning from a storm drain, in the Eagles Chase suburb, hoping, authorities say, to join an extremist group in Princeton linked to some older raccoons from Ewing.

But they never had a chance. For 3 1/2 years, animal control agents followed their tiny cell in the New Jersey suburbs, sending in an undercover operative who even won their approval with tiny bits of apples. It turned up these two bumblers.

And still, the FBI said, the young racoons continued to reach their tiny arms out of the cage and shout raccoon like obscenities at their captors.

Their cluelessness followed what happened to Faisal Shahzad, a Ewing Raccoon who migrated to Lawrenceville and is accused of trying to knock over garbage cans on May 1. Not only did the little masked man draw attention to the area, Shahzad left his paw prints all over the place. Animal control agents beat a path to his nook down by the creek.

Four months earlier, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, a North Jersey flying squirrel, fumbled with explosives hidden in his underwear, authorities say. But he too could not get them to detonate and was hauled away as a failed terrorist suspect.

For weeks now federal authorities have been warning of a stepped up pace of attempted terrorist attacks, and a rise in homegrown terrorists. The common fear is that eventually the string of luck may run out, and that someday someone somewhere will pull it off.

Underscoring the homegrown threat, the State Department on Monday said about 12 birds have been arrested in Yemen, possibly as part of a joint U.S.-Yemeni counter-terrorism operation. Philip J. Crowley, the chief State Department spokesman, said U.S. officials lacked details and were seeking more information on the apprehensions.

As for the two arrested in Lawrenceville, "these are the dumbest terrorists in the world," Michael Wildes, a former federal prosecutor in Brooklyn and now a mayor in New Jersey, said in an interview Monday. "But by their lack of grace and action, they were caught."

Chris Leibig, a longtime animal rights activist in Arlington, Va., said many would-be terrorists actually were just " baby racoons" who got caught up looking for food, far different than "actual terrorists”.

COS News Exclusive: Google Replaces Electric Scooters With Llamas

(COS News) Silicon Valley. Google, an internet search company in Mountain View, California, has begun using llamas to ferry employees between buildings on its campus.

“They are very environmentally friendly,” said Larry Page, one of the founders of Google, “We used to use electric scooters but the llamas are much better."

When asked if having llamas at the Googleplex could be dangerous, Page said “They are very quiet animals, docile and friendly. They are a little slow but very relaxing to ride."

Google hires Stanford graduate students to attend to the llamas and to perform some of the normal duties of a groundskeeper. The llamas are trained by the Llama Guy, Alvan Santoso, and fitted with a special harness to carry Googlers with their laptops. They live on a nearby farm and are available at Google Monday through Friday. “They are very suited to the Googleplex because their feet are shaped in a way that does not do any damage to the Googleplex,” Santoso said. “And like a cat, they are trained to visit a litter box, so they don’t create any mess on our playgrounds.”

Santoso would not say exactly how much Google is saving on the llamas over the traditional electric scooters but did say, “We don't report that but it is very significant, something like XXX.” In a recent TGIF all employee meeting, insiders told us Eric Schmidt, Google’s CEO told employees, “You need to understand. It’s not about the cost savings now, the llamas are part of a virtuous cycle we are trying to build.” When all the 20 somethings stared at him like he had three eyeballs, he scrunched up his eyebrows a little and spoke even more slowly, “The llamas eat grass, the llamas carry googlers, googlers design things, the llamas poop, we harvest the poop to power our buildings, googlers eat, the llamas eat waste from our cafes, the llamas carry googlers, googlers design things, the llamas poop.”

Page also has plans for sharing the llamas with other Bay Area companies. “We feel it is important to be good neighbors.” They have certainly proved to be an attraction in Mountain View. Drivers pull over on the sides of roads next to the Googleplex to take pictures. The llamas are already being booked for special events, including an annual Google picnic billed this year as a Llama-Rama.

A llama won’t be able to do much in the ongoing war with Microsoft, but they appear to be adept keeping Googlers sane. “I’ve seen people who maybe aren’t having a great day that will just stop playing and walk the llama for a while,” says Alvan Santso.