In what some industry experts have called an unprovoked preemptive attack of enormous scale, Schick announced today that they will be releasing a 24 blade razor for the closest shave yet. The previous maximum was six and was held by Gillette. An executive at Schick said, “we got tired of the back and forth. We did three, then they did 4, we did 5, and they did 6. The gradual escalation was not working- at some point you need to go for the balls to discourage them from even trying.” When asked what he thinks Gillette will do now that Schick has finally castrated their opponent for good, he said, “I don’t know, probably do something feminine like focus on the wetness of their razor.” Schick will call the new razor “Veinte Cuatro” and it will go on sale at Walmart next week.
