COS News: Remarks by the President to the Nation on the BP Oil Spill- translated so most Americans can understand.
Inspired by:
To read the actual transcript of the presidents remarks go here:
Transcript Oval Office Briefing On BP Oil Spill
8:01 P.M. EDT
THE PRESIDENT: Hi everyone. As I talk to you, our nation is in deep do-do. At home, our top priority is to work really hard to make up for money we lost. Across the ocean, our good green army men are shooting bad guys as much as they can. And tonight, I’ve returned from a trip to the ocean to speak with you about a really bad accident.
On April 20th, an oil drill blew up in the ocean. The explosion was so bad some people even died. Some other people had to go to the hospital. And soon, a long way down in the water, at the bottom of the ocean, oil began leaking into the water.
This is a really bad leak. So far nobody has been able to stop it. That’s why I found some nerds to think about the problem. One of them is named Mr. Chu. Lots of people have ideas. Do you have any ideas?
We have told the people that did this they need to clean up this mess. We expect them to clean up this mess as soon as they can.
This is the worst spill ever. Remember when you spilled cool-aid that one time and your Daddy was probably really angry. This is not like that. This is worse than that. This is even worse than a hurricane. This is worse than a triple hurricane. There is so much spill this is going to take a long long time to clean up.
We will use up whatever we have to clean up this spill. We will take away BPs allowance for this bad bad spill. And we will give the money to the people in the area that have to live with the mess. And we are going to tell people like BP to never do this again. Or else.
We are also doing a lot of stuff.
When this first happened we asked this guy in a cool uniform, Allen, who has cleaned up a lot of stuff to help us. We now have a lot of people helping us clean up the spill. There are lots of boats in the ocean driving around trying to clean the water. I am also sending some of the green army men to the area. But these green army men are not going to shoot people, they are going to help clean-up!
So far all these people have cleaned up a lot of oil. These people are even building an island in the ocean to block the oil.
I will spend whatever little money and resources we have left to help. Sometimes we make mistakes. I saw some mistakes when I went and looked at the water. You know, you can always talk to Daddy if you make a mistake. If there are problems Daddy will always fix them.
But Daddy can’t save all the animals from this spill and help all the people that’s places have been messed up by this spill. That’s why the second thing we’re going to do is help make it better.
For a long, long time there have been fishermen. Jesus even knew fishermen. Right now, things are so bad, the fishermen are in big trouble. Fishermen are afraid they won’t have any fish to eat or sell. I don’t want them to be afraid, or to starve.
Tomorrow, I will meet with the bad guys and tell them they need to pay these fishermen money. Actually, I am going to tell them to give their money to someone else, and that person will give the money to the fishermen. I don’t want to touch their dirty money.
Beyond giving people money we really will need to clean this place up. So we asked a guy in a white uniform, Ray, to come up with a plan. Again, the bad people will pay for this plan.
Next we want to make sure that a big spill like this won’t happen again. .
I want to know why this spill happened. Lots of people want to know why this spill happened. So I told another group of people to find out why and create rules so people know how to not make this happen again. For now I told people they can’t drill holes in the ocean. People who drill for a living probably won’t like this. I told the people who are making the rules to hurry it up but also do a good job.
A while ago we found out there are some people who we thought worked for the government, that actually work for the people who drill for a living. That was confusing. We are going to fire those people and hire other people to work for us.
One of the things we learned is that we need more rules. We also learned that drilling is bad. We also learned that Americans use up a lot of oil but don’t have a lot of oil. That’s why those guys who drill have to go way out in the ocean. It’s crazy. We have known about this problem for a long time. But nobody has done anything about it. Bad people don’t want us to do anything about it.
We give a lot of money to bad people for oil. And bad people have made a big mess to clean up.
That is why we want to stop paying the bad people for oil and come up with something other than oil we can use for stuff. We need to do this right away. Some people are doing some things that are sort of like this.
Everybody has to help. Actually, if everyone helps this could be a good thing.
I want us to do this. I have wanted us to do this for a long time.
It will cost us money to do this. But spending this money is worth it because we will get good things.
If you have any good ideas let me know. If you want to propose any new rules let me know. We need to think about all these ideas. But we also got to do hard work.
If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. Remember the motto, “I think I can”. Say it over and over again.
We need to pray for ourselves right now.
END
8:05 P.M. EDT
8:01 P.M. EDT
THE PRESIDENT: Hi everyone. As I talk to you, our nation is in deep do-do. At home, our top priority is to work really hard to make up for money we lost. Across the ocean, our good green army men are shooting bad guys as much as they can. And tonight, I’ve returned from a trip to the ocean to speak with you about a really bad accident.
On April 20th, an oil drill blew up in the ocean. The explosion was so bad some people even died. Some other people had to go to the hospital. And soon, a long way down in the water, at the bottom of the ocean, oil began leaking into the water.
This is a really bad leak. So far nobody has been able to stop it. That’s why I found some nerds to think about the problem. One of them is named Mr. Chu. Lots of people have ideas. Do you have any ideas?
We have told the people that did this they need to clean up this mess. We expect them to clean up this mess as soon as they can.
This is the worst spill ever. Remember when you spilled cool-aid that one time and your Daddy was probably really angry. This is not like that. This is worse than that. This is even worse than a hurricane. This is worse than a triple hurricane. There is so much spill this is going to take a long long time to clean up.
We will use up whatever we have to clean up this spill. We will take away BPs allowance for this bad bad spill. And we will give the money to the people in the area that have to live with the mess. And we are going to tell people like BP to never do this again. Or else.
We are also doing a lot of stuff.
When this first happened we asked this guy in a cool uniform, Allen, who has cleaned up a lot of stuff to help us. We now have a lot of people helping us clean up the spill. There are lots of boats in the ocean driving around trying to clean the water. I am also sending some of the green army men to the area. But these green army men are not going to shoot people, they are going to help clean-up!
So far all these people have cleaned up a lot of oil. These people are even building an island in the ocean to block the oil.
I will spend whatever little money and resources we have left to help. Sometimes we make mistakes. I saw some mistakes when I went and looked at the water. You know, you can always talk to Daddy if you make a mistake. If there are problems Daddy will always fix them.
But Daddy can’t save all the animals from this spill and help all the people that’s places have been messed up by this spill. That’s why the second thing we’re going to do is help make it better.
For a long, long time there have been fishermen. Jesus even knew fishermen. Right now, things are so bad, the fishermen are in big trouble. Fishermen are afraid they won’t have any fish to eat or sell. I don’t want them to be afraid, or to starve.
Tomorrow, I will meet with the bad guys and tell them they need to pay these fishermen money. Actually, I am going to tell them to give their money to someone else, and that person will give the money to the fishermen. I don’t want to touch their dirty money.
Beyond giving people money we really will need to clean this place up. So we asked a guy in a white uniform, Ray, to come up with a plan. Again, the bad people will pay for this plan.
Next we want to make sure that a big spill like this won’t happen again. .
I want to know why this spill happened. Lots of people want to know why this spill happened. So I told another group of people to find out why and create rules so people know how to not make this happen again. For now I told people they can’t drill holes in the ocean. People who drill for a living probably won’t like this. I told the people who are making the rules to hurry it up but also do a good job.
A while ago we found out there are some people who we thought worked for the government, that actually work for the people who drill for a living. That was confusing. We are going to fire those people and hire other people to work for us.
One of the things we learned is that we need more rules. We also learned that drilling is bad. We also learned that Americans use up a lot of oil but don’t have a lot of oil. That’s why those guys who drill have to go way out in the ocean. It’s crazy. We have known about this problem for a long time. But nobody has done anything about it. Bad people don’t want us to do anything about it.
We give a lot of money to bad people for oil. And bad people have made a big mess to clean up.
That is why we want to stop paying the bad people for oil and come up with something other than oil we can use for stuff. We need to do this right away. Some people are doing some things that are sort of like this.
Everybody has to help. Actually, if everyone helps this could be a good thing.
I want us to do this. I have wanted us to do this for a long time.
It will cost us money to do this. But spending this money is worth it because we will get good things.
If you have any good ideas let me know. If you want to propose any new rules let me know. We need to think about all these ideas. But we also got to do hard work.
If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. Remember the motto, “I think I can”. Say it over and over again.
We need to pray for ourselves right now.
END
8:05 P.M. EDT
To read the actual transcript of the presidents remarks go here: Transcript Oval Office Briefing On BP Oil Spill
